Suicide Note

Let it be known that if I am ever found dead with a suicide note nearby, I did not write it. If you come across such a sight, I want you to say right off, "He's been set up!" Don't stop until my name is cleared. I mean, seriously, you know me! I wouldn't do that! It's probably not even in my hand-writing.

As for the murderer/manslaughterer, I'm really not all that concerned about him/her. I guess you could press charges if it isn't too much of a hassle, but as long as the world knows I had nothing to do with my own death, I'm cool.

I guess now is as good of a time as any to will all my belongings to charity. I would also like to be cremated. I don't have many requests for the funeral, but I would like my closest friends and family members to sing the sacred harp hymn "I'm Going Home." It can be found on the Cold Mountain Soundtrack. Also, I would like Tommy Gene Hall to sing "Come Sail Away" by Styx.

I'm counting on all three of you readers to make sure that the world knows my innocence if this ever comes to pass. As unlikely as it may seem, I've always thought it's better to be safe than sorry. Thanks, friends!

On Oct. 13, 2058, consider these instructions void. You will recieve a new set of plans on that day.